I now have Maple Story installed in my computer, thanks to Joseph and Joel, my 2 nine year old cousins, who felt it was such a crime that there exists a computer without Maple Story installed. I got weird looks the rest of the night for that.

Christmas eve was fun I guess. Aside from the splitting headache I got from trying to organise all the stupid games. Who knows best was pretty funny I guess. Pictionary I kicked ass! At guessing, not drawing. Everyone knows I can't draw for nuts.

Presents! Earrings, watch, notebook, pretty hair clip and cash. Usual lot I guess. I'll do a picture post when I'm bothered enough to start uploading all the pictures.

I'm gonna get awful fat right before school starts. Christmas dinner yesterday was yummy, even though I had to sit next to Joshua who spreads butter on steak. And not like it was herbal butter, where that'd been relatively acceptable, it was normal salted butter. And that boy can eat spoonfuls of pure butter. How sick is that. Then there's the christmas dinner today and tmr, plus everyday leading up to New Year's since the parents are gonna be out of town I'm gonna be out of the house.

So I've got to go make myself look halfway decent since relatives will come in a while. And then there's Christmas mass as well, who knows what time that's at.

Alright so Merry Christmas everyone, have a good one yah. Love you all.

Christmas baking starts today. Which means the studying that was supposed to kick off today gets postponed even further. What I have figured out though, is that I've the whole of January to study too! Common test is only in Feb I think. I hope.

I'm absolutely craving for cheesecake, but there's just no space in the freezer for me to stick half in when I'm done baking. The only thing I hate about Christmas is the frozen meat all over the place. Although when its on the table its a different thing entirely.

Oh and I got to go with my parents to pick out my Christmas gift this year, so Clarissa Cross is finally happy with a present she's got. Praise the Lord.

Let's make this really clear; I'm NOT receiving presents for Christmas this year so stop asking me what I want already. I'd much rather spend time with all of you anyway, cause I really haven't seen half my friends in forever. So please don't get anything for me, unless its for my birthday or next year's Christmas, where of course I'll be expecting kick ass presents from everyone, or I suppose if you also feel the need to randomly shower me with pretty things, all from next year on as well. Thank you and good night.

Mum's ecstatic that they're starting belly dancing lessons at Kallang CC. Not for her, for me. God that would be an awful sight, my mum belly dancing. What's even awful-er, is that Dad was first to respond to her e-mail about it, saying that he wanted to join if no one else did. Yeah pot belly dancing here Patrick Cross comes.

I bet its all an excuse so that when she forces me to show off what I learnt she can start telling all our relatives how fat my body's becoming and whatever. Maybe I should start going to the gym. High metabolism doesn't last forever right. Plus there's just no running away from Indian Woman Syndrome(IWS)

Haha maybe I can get Jillian to learn with me. She is the vainpot of the family anyway. The only one who gets annoyed, aside from my grandparents, when I wear halters, cause its dressing sexier than her. Haha damn cute lah. She's like five in case you were wondering.

Nikita and Joseph came to stay the weekend. Or like half the weekend. Nikita's so adorable, listening to all her baby talk. And after a consecutive bunch of hyperactive kids, a passive baby is such a welcome change. This baby is so showered with love its amazing. Like everyone loves holding on to her and she's so clingy. Like she's the only baby her age who'd rather snuggle than go investigate her surroundings. Its so so adorable, you just wanna kidnap her and run away.



My favourite-est photo of Nikita, showing off her new teeth.

Do an internet search on Clarissa Cross, and you find that she was 2nd runner up in Miss Nude Canada 1995.


Great. Thanks Shane.

Swearing off the boys is awful hard when ridiculously adorable boy follows you around all day long. I wish I stopped listening to my brain so much and followed my heart once in a while. Yikes. And the studying I'm NOT doing is just totally piling up constantly. Geog's starting to freak me out. Taking 3 content subs probably isn't the best idea a pro procrastinater should ever have. Is it me or is my language totally slipping.



Bash was today, I'd totally have gone if Bitch and Heidi wanted to too. Full of SR spirit Sasa is.





I wish a certain someone would start getting the fucking hint. Bugger off already you freak.





I really hate being this mean but he totally deserves it. I don't want ANYTHING to do with you.





Oh well. Cell functions. demand and supply and plate tectonics awaits. How am I ever ever gonna catch up at this rate?




Pull me out from inside.
I am ready I am ready I am ready I am fine.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

Runaway train - Soul Asylum

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"




Haha my dad's damn cute, sending me silly e-mails like this to get my mind off being red the whole day. I hate allergic reactions. Sigh.

Its a wonder why some people keep blogs at all. I think blogs are supposed to be like your thoughts, quirky or otherwise interesting moments that happen. And yet there are so many blogs that like chart what the writer does everyday. Like today I woke up at ten, brushed my teeth, didn't feel like showering so I just went to school. After school I came home and had a cookie. After the cookie, I played a computer game; you know the kind miserable hopeless boys like me spend all my time playing. I had a million hours of tuition after, and then I talked to a bunch of people online and got inspired to blog about my very very boring life.

Like who reads that? Seriously. I doubt if I start blogging like that my statcounter thing will jump as much as it does now. Yeah right. And I'm so totally considering the password thing taking into account all the recent violations of my privacy. Somehow Clarissa just attracts all the freaks. Which also totally explains my current collection of friends. The amount of sense I make is astounding, no?

School school! Lectures lectures!

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASA!

DELLY BELLY. says:
I have OVERWHELMING evidence that michael and sara end up together.

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASAAAAAAA. where are youuuuu.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I need to tell you this NOW.

clarissa. says:
haha alright let's hear it.

clarissa. says:
you know i'm the conspirant among us right.

clarissa. says:
let's hear it anyway. go.

DELLY BELLY. says:
okok you know how his surname's Scofield.

DELLY BELLY. says:
as in starts with s.

DELLY BELLY. says:
its a sign cause sara starts with S too!

DELLY BELLY. says:
so when she marries him she becomes sara scofield.

DELLY BELLY. says:
coincidence? I think not.

DELLY BELLY. says:
how many people do you meet with onamatopeic names.

DELLY BELLY. says:
its onamatopeic right.

DELLY BELLY. says:
SASA WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUUU.

DELLY BELLY. says:
quick quick I neeeeed you to admit I'm awful smart.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I mean how many people pick up on onamatopeic names.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I've never even met a person with an onamatopeic name.

DELLY BELLY. says:
I like onamatopeic.

clarissa. says:
awful maybe.

clarissa. says:
clarissa cross.

DELLY BELLY. says:
vindictive bitch.

I'm worried for what's left of my sanity.

It doesn't hurt me.
You want to feel, how it feels?
You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You want to hear about the deal I'm making.
You, you and me.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
Get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could;

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.

So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, you and me.
You and me; won't be unhappy.

Placebo - Running up that hill.

MALE AND FEMALE PRAYERS






FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.








MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
Who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Amen.



HAHAHA.

I've never felt as broke as I do now.




Rich friends and not so generous parents make for an absolutely awful combination.

How am I a bad influence. Everyone's just been annoying me so much. Shane's mum gave me this whole long lecture yesterday about how because of me her son doesn't have a girlfriend. If only she knew what her son gets up to when she's off on all those holidays. Or at NTUC for that matter. Haha. Just cause Shane spends ages with me doesn't mean he doesn't spend ages with a girl that could potentially be his next girlfriend/conquest. Eeeek. I hate all mothers. And the maid's been blaming all her behaviour on how if Clarissa can do it I can too. Erm what. Since when did you become family. Ahhhh I hate everything and everyone now.

And a certain someone's blog made me positively green this early in the morning. Its so disgusting the extent of obsession. Shane's all too happy to go whack him up for me, but I think its about time I started dealing with my problems on my own instead of running to Shane/Adri/Glenn/Joshua/whoever else offers to get rid of the guy for me. Adri especially, with all his big time connections. Hahaha.

Anyway, RYAN STAR'S COMING TO SINGAPORE. And I absolutely can't go cause its by invite only and you've to be 18 to take part in the stupid contest anyway. I'm consoling myself with what Jenn said, He's gonna be on the same soil as us. Hahaha. Fanaticism doesn't suit me well.

PW PW. Gotta find the damn PI.

All this Indian drama going on in my house. Aiyohhh. Everyone better start treasuring the not so wonderful moments spent with me, I might not be around for much longer. Maid might kill me in a whole plethora of ways.


Totally random, but I want DX wristbands! Christmas anyone?


Nikita's official birthday party's later on. Ahhhhh. Cutest baby in the world, along with all my other nieces and nephews and cousins and all the million other babies in the family.


And that about rounds up everything on my mind. Pocahontas? =)

Channel 5 is just totally annoying me. Its one thing ruining national tv with all their godawful local shows, but when they start messing around with Prison Break it starts to get really infuriating. Someone please tell me wth is wrong with Mediacorp. Seriously, its so insulting to the show to play trailers set to songs so.. condescending to the show. They keep playing the trailer on tvmobile every damn time I get on the bus, about Michael and Sara, set to The Frays's How to Save a Life. I mean come on. I know Prison Break's hit mainstream, but do you really have to compromise on the show's already dubious credibility with fucked up music to go along? I mean sure its a pretty good song. Like on its own. Amazingly totally off when you put it together with Prison Break. Ahh. And what is with the cheena voiceover man. Its so so so disgusting I can't take it. Its not like they haven't done enough to destroy the show, what with playing it faster and deleting scenes and all. I'm pretty sure it infringes some sort of law, when you're deleting scenes that can't even be defended as containing offensive material or whatever. Its just so they can squeeze another 93848374384 cheena commercials into the never ending advertisement breaks. Speaking of which, what is up with the cheena commercials ah. Since when did the English channel start having Chinese commercials ah. What Channel 8 not enough now? Am I the only person who gets annoyed when they play Chinese shows on tvmobile? I mean I know we're majority Chinese, but our national language is still Malay and our medium of communication is still English. Is this any way to encourage people to speak better English?


Now that I'm all diatribe-ed out, I'll go memorise some Peribahasa.







Please don't no one arrest me tommorow.

After reading Tiri's blog, and seeing how sweet her tribute thing to everyone that matters to her is, I've decided to do one too. I guess I never really thanked all these people for being such a big big part of my life; I do take things for granted a whole lot of the time. Anyway, here's to thanking all of you.

OLD OLD KAWAN.

Dell
My best friend since what 4? This is the one person I love most in the world. She's so like me its amazing and I'm just really glad I met her. We've been through so much together, and her accident just made me realise how much she really means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Shane and Glenn
These guys have always been there for me. They're like my surrogate big brothers, and any boy has to go through them first. Haha. They've always taken care of me, and manja-ed me non-stop. Even though we don't spend as much time together anymore, I still love both of you many many. Sheekadilaaa.

Tryna and Mikae.
Ahhh my bitching partners. Phone convos all night long, sleepovers, movie marathons. I love both of you like hell. You're my confidants, and we've been besties forever. Thanks for all the beautiful memories.

IJ KAKI.
I'm so grateful to all of you. Cool table people, you've really made this huge impact on my life. Tiri, Jenn, Angelina, Keish, Punitha and even our racist friend Vera. You guys have made my IJ days so memorable, the constant laughter, all the nonsense we did in class. Ahhh I miss you guys so so much.

SR FRIENDS.
Haha okay I suppose the only people I'm close to here are Aileen, Heidi and Stef. I spend all my time in school with you guys, and its great how we get along so well. Haha its fun reminscising with Bitch and Stef about IJ days, and Heidi's full of funny funny stories about everything! School's just so fun with all of you around. I couldn't wish for a better group of friends really. Thank you for being you.

EVERYONE ELSE.
Okay well to all the other random people I've met along the way, I hope I get to know all of you better some day. I'm really grateful to have so many friends, people who care about me and actually bother to know what's been going on with me. Thank you.

I feel so absolutely gay now but it was worth it. I know its totally not a Clarissa thing to go around thanking everyone, but you guys really mean a whole whole lot to me. I love you all many many.

Kel says:
i remember there was once.
Kel says:
i came over and visited.
Kel says:
then you threw up on the floor.
Kel says:
*burst out laughing*
clarissa. says:
er okay
Kel says:
its like some random memory.
Kel says:
cause we were all in your parents room watching wrestling.
Kel says:
then suddenly from the doorway. we heard something like peanuts dropping.
Kel says:
then adrian's like. PICK IT UP PICK IT UP.
Kel says:
and i was the only one who even turned and looked at the doorway.
Kel says:
and you were like. achaaacha. i vomeet.
clarissa. says:
hahahhaa
Kel says:
*laugh until cry*
Kel says:
priceless moment


Ahhhh. I miss my cousin.

Chapter 1: Personal

Initials:
C.J.C

Middle name:
Jan

Birthday:
19th July

Birth Place:
NUH, Singapore.

Current location:
Boon Keng, still Singapore.

Height:
163 on a good day.

Hair length:
Mid neck?

Eye color:
Brown black. Black brown. Black. Brown.

Piercings:
5

Birthmarks:
Explains why you don't see me in bikinis very often.

Chapter 2: Family

Do you live with your parents:
Yeah

Do you get along with your parents?
Dad most of the time, Mum none of the time.

Do you have any siblings?
Adrian. 7 years older.

What pets do you have?
Dog

What are there names?
Adrian. Haha. Guinness lah.

Chapter 3: Favorites

City:
Sydney.

Season:
Autumn. Everything gets so pretty.

Clothing brand:
Whatever looks good on me I suppose.

Color:
Red. Burgundy. Brown.

Number:
6.

Chapter 4: Do You ...

Sing in the shower?
Totally. Been recorded by Adrian and Shane many times too.

Write memos on your hand?
Yeah well notebooks never last more than a week around me.

Call people back?
If I feel like it.

Believe in love?
Not at my age, no.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yeah. There's even indentation on the bed.

Wear glasses or contacts?
Both. Specs at home, or when my eyes annoy me in the morning.

Chapter 5: Have You Ever...

Worn braces?
Yeah

Broken a bone?
Yeah in my toe. Haha.

Punched someone in the face?
Haha yeah. But I punch like a girl so it was kinda more like a slap. Haha.

Skipped school?
Totally.

Taken painkillers?
Yeah. Once a month every month.

Been to overnight camp?
Er yeah. Who hasn't.

Written a letter to Santa Claus?
Till about 12. I'm one of those kids who don't give up easily.

Had detention?
Too many times.

Been sent to the principal's office?
Haha yeahhhh.

Been called a bitch?
Everyday, mostly by Aileen. Or I suppose if someone really hates me.
(Does anyone else notice I've done everything in this part? Hm.)


Chaper 6: Who/What was the last..

Person to IM you?
Tryna. One of those convo windows that never close.

Person to call you?
Joshua.

Person you hugged?
Erm. I think Kristie.

Person you tackled?
Hahahahaha. Glenn the last time I saw him. Then I realised the girl in his room.

Thing you touched?
Well if the keyboard doesn't count then its my cup of Dreyser's.

Thing you ate?
Dreyser's Cookies and Cream.

Drank?
Tang. You know Grandmama's in town when there's Tang in the house.

Thing you said?
Who knows. I talk too much for my own good anyway.

RARRRHHH.

I'm pretty glad I didn't go to SA or CJ. I'm really glad I worked instead of first 3 months. I mean I'd have remained the stuck up brat I've been all these years had it not been for all of that. I think work really really changed me. I'm really grateful my parents made me start right from the bottom. I probably wouldn't have matured so much if I went with the Four Seasons job. Give me Carl's Jr. any day baby.

I so totally miss being a workaholic. I used to clock the most hours week after week. 16 hour shifts just give you this total sense of accomplishment you know. Like you made it another day, and nothing's ever gonna get to you. Like you can handle anything that comes your way. I miss the people I worked with. They were such a fun lot. They didn't pretend to be smart and into smart people things, they were just people. So original and so refreshing. I mean I totally loved coming to work cause it was a new thing everyday. Dancing during off-peak and sleeping under sinks. And bullying the boys into doing the really hard/gross stuff for you.

I remember feeling so estranged from all my friends at that time. Like I never wanted to meet anyone or go for sleepovers or my marathon movie sessions with Shane, Tryna, Glenn and Mikae. I just felt so different from everyone else, and I guess that feeling's never really gone away. It really just feels like no one gets me now. I wish someone would waltz into my life and take over the now somewhat empty position of best friend. Then again everyone's so busy these days it doesn't seem very likely.

I hate being in JC. I hate being the dumping ground for everyone and everything. I hate the stress and I hate the people. Well most of them anyway. Sure I've met some really nice people. But its like most of them are just so fake. Trying so hard to fit in, changing into something its really obvious they're not. Maybe its just this phase in our lives you know. Like this period of time where no one has any clue of who they are or where they're headed. That or maybe everyone's just too grade obsessed to see anything deeper than books.

I think I might be pregnant. I've been having the oddest food cravings lately. I had lemon apple pie for breakie, an egg foldover with bacon stuffed for lunch and breaded zucchini and potato gratin for dinner. And tomato juice the entire day. I like how Mama isn't at home to complain about how all her fruits and veges are disappearing at the speed of light. Yummy yummy. I'm making Adri bring home a coconut for me cause I'm currently craving the pulp. Yikes. Mama said she had coconut cravings all the time when she was pregnant with me. Hm. Intriguing I'm sure.

Its NOT nasi lemak if its made with un-coconut-ed BROWN rice, and if we're all only allowed to have 3 spoons of rice each. I hate how my family's so health-concious. Nasi lemak at our house is baked chicken/fish, boiled egg, cucumber and sambal. Sambal of course with added protein supplements.

Eww.

Adrian's at church, believe it or not. He's been going for daily mass now. At St. Mike's of all churches. Mostly cause he's too lazy to take a bus to another one. Point is he's going for mass. Its funny how my brother's embracing his faith just when I'm losing mine. Everyone's becoming so holy and perfect and I'm staying me. The contrast is amazing. Dad and Mum are going up to Rawang this weekend with a bunch of assorted relatives for St. Jude's feast. As Mum so eloquently put it, they went up last year to pray for my O's, cause there's obviously no way I'd have done relatively well without the patron saint of hopeless cases on my side. I swear, in my family, if I were top student in Singapore, it wouldn't be cause I decided to be smart and study my ass off, it'd be that everyone else just took a break from hitting the books.

I wish I wasn't so damned sensitive. I wish I wish I wish.

Anyway, because everyone's been annoying me with their nonsense diets and quest to spiritual perfection, I've gone on a massive baking spree to encourage sinful-ness. I've been baking everyday. Problem is I'm the only one eating anything aside from Dad who sneaks brownies late late at night when no one's watching. I've been house visiting a lot to give away food. Shane got banana muffins and oatmeal cookies today. I can't give any away to relatives cause Mum's been going around telling everyone that my food's disgustingly sweet, even though she's yet to taste anything from this baking spree and I've massively cut down sugar in everything. So now all my besties will get fat fat instead. Just cause I cut the sugar doesn't mean I cut the butter. I don't hear Shane complaining though. Haha.

Oh and quote of the day yesterday was by Mrs Kok Chwee Kee, soon to be ex-principal of SRJC.

" A is the first letter of the alphabet. Always remember that "

Oh it had to come from SR.

I'm off to watch Nip/Tuck now. Cheerio.

Dad's just told me our very first maid, Jacqueline's in town. This is the lady that took care of me from birth till I was about three. I kinda vaguely remember her, really really fair with funny hair. I'm really excited she's here. She's dropping by our house on Monday. To see how much Adrian and I have grown up in the 14 years she hasn't seen us in. Amazing really. Dad says I was really attached to her, and she to me. She even named her daughter Clarissa. How cool is that. The girl's about twelve now. I'm just so super excited to see her. She must be pretty old now and probably looks completely different from this vauge outline I have of her face. I still absolutely can't wait. Maybe she can tell me stories about when I was a baby. Mum and Dad were never around much to know more than how I took 3 hours to finish a meal. Maybe she remembers what my first words were and whatever. I'm probably the only kid who doesn't know that. Ahhhh. I totally can't wait!

H3 Econs. Eurgh.



Who knew becoming smart came with so much stress.



Though I'll admit game theory sounds a whole lot more interesting than fucking demand and supply.



I'm so sick of JC. Our whole damn education system really. The constant pressure to do better than everyone else. And to maintain it when you actually get somewhere.



Now that promos are over its project work and malay. No break. Then comes a million holiday lessons. Some holiday. Then there's the mugging for Feb's Common Test, as well as maybe, probably H3 classes. Another common test, mid-years. And then of course there's the actual 'A's. Fuck. I can't have one day to myself without feeling guilty. Why why why do I keep saying yes to everything when I know I don't have enough time for all of it.



I just wish I had a fucking choice half the time. I wish everyone would just stop thinking I'm smart and leave me alone. I think I'll go back to skipping school all the time and failing every class.



Most of all I think I just wish that everyone didn't have so much faith in me. I mean sure its great that all your friends and most of your family have that much confidence in you, but its like I didn't do anything to deserve it. I really wish I could be smarter, better at time/stress management. Maybe then I could handle all this a whole lot better. Its like everyday I go to bed and its like, I still have this much to do. Every day should have 180 hours in my opinion. Then maybe I could meet deadlines once in a while.



How does everyone else do this?

Dieting's oh so easy when you see what's for lunch.


Leftovers from the past two weeks.


Ewww.












Fuck, I wish I had had him before life got to him.

clarissa. says:
omg guess what

angelina says:
?

clarissa. says:
my boobs grew!!!!

angelina says:
CONGRATULATIONS!

angelina says:
measured ah

clarissa. says:
haha my bras very tight

clarissa. says:
haha i damn excited

clarissa. says:
i will put on lots more weight now.

clarissa. says:
if only i could find some way to channel all the weight there instead of my hips

angelina says:
haha

angelina says:
binding

clarissa. says:
bind my hips ah

clarissa. says:
isnt that like wearing really really tight panties.

angelina says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH


AIYOHHHH. THE NONSENSE CONVOS I HAVE WITH HER AH.


I LOVE ANGELINA MARYANNE LOURDES.

Lunching with IJ kaki. Ahhhhh I'm super super super excited. Haven't seen half of them for ages.







I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS.

You got a fast car,
But is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision;
We leave tonight or live and die this way.

I found out some things about him today. God I feel like such a complete idiot. I hate that I'm so presumptuous all the time. Its moments like these you find out how awful it is when you stereotype someone.

As much as I'd like to though, nothing seems worth it anymore. I've been so depressed lately. Its like all these things have just been building up one by one. Everytime I get over something, something worse just comes along and shoves me back into the ground again.

Great, I sound like some pessimistic mad bitch now.

I miss Shane. Another Saturday's gone by with me waiting all day for that caramel frappe. I miss my friends so so so much. I don't think I'd be in this deep if things were the same way they used to be. I wish I could be a kid again. I keep thinking of the first time I met him, dumping that bucket of sand over his head. And his oh so adorable reaction.

I wish everyone wasn't too busy for me anymore.

Mum was bitching about the costs of sending me to the library the other day, about how it cost like $6 to get across CBD, and another $4 on petrol, so why couldn't I just take the bus and all. Haha. This followed.

Me : Petrol : $4.
Me : CBD :$6
Me : The chance to do something nice for your daughter : Priceless.
Mum : I'm gonna remember that line when you ship me off to the nursing home.



HAHAHAHA.

Depression sinks in when you start seeing Wentworth Miller on everyone's display picture.






AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.






Kill me now I beg you.

Holidays are gonna be fantastic. Looking over the fall schedule, 36 shows I want to start/continue watching. God I'm such a freak. I'm never ever ever gonna get out of the house at this rate. I wonder how the computer's gonna store all this. I think I better start learning how to burn dvds. I hate small RAM or whatever.


Econs paper went better than expected. Geog practically everything I didn't study for came out. Yikes.


Friday's getting awfully close. While it does signify the end of promos and we should all be really happy, it does mean that the biopsy's coming up too. Dad and Adrian got really freaked out when I kinda let it slip it was there. Ahhhh. I'm damn scared. Either way, benign or malignant, its gonna take surgery to get it out. Thank God there's no history of it, so far.


Aside from the depression this brings, my friends have been so supportive its amazing. I love all of you to bits and pieces. Whether its assuring me I'm gonna get promoted and/or not gonna kick the bucket any time soon, you've all really been there for me. I'm sorry I haven't been reciprocating. I've been a bit self-obsessed lately.

Fuck fuck fuck. I drank so much coffee I can't sleep now. 4 cups of super strong coffee. I've got 2 papers tmr and I can't get to sleep. Yikes.

I've gone through all this market structure rubbish. My head is so cramped with stuff and there are so many things I don't understand about it. I'm so totally gonna mix them up tmr. Or fall asleep during the 3 HOUR LONG PAPER WITH NO BREAKS. My ass hurt so much from the bio paper that I'm so totally convinced its become flatter. I have no idea why I'm blogging about my ass, but maybe if I ramble on and on I'll eventually bore myself until I fall asleep.

I've given up on the physical geog paper. Looking at some checklist, I realise I know just about nothing. I didn't even realise we covered this whole chapter on floods. I think I've skipped a few too many geog lectures.

I so wish I had an econs lecture taped. Then I can listen to that and fall asleep.


Its funny how when I'm most awake my blog posts are at their most awful.

I'm gonna try sleeping now. Bye FOLKS. Haha I'm gonna miss that when I leave srjc after all this.

I find it totally hilarious how so many people suddenly become my friend in the week leading up to their econs exam. Haha. Everyone always asks what I'm studying and concentrating on and whatever. And start asking me all these weird complicated questions like how do pc firms make profits. Erm. Go make friends with your econs teacher and ask can. This idiot here doesn't know ANYTHING.

I found out I'm Adrian's CPF nominee person. Which means if he dies, I'll get all his CPF money. He had to fill up half a million forms to get it switched from my parents to me. Naturally, Mum was quite upset when she found out he intentionally did it, but this was pretty much how it went down.

(At a rare family dinner where we're all actually present.)
Adrian : I managed to switch my CPF nomination to Sa you know.
Mum : Should be us right not her?
Adrian : Yah but if its you all, Monday my funeral, Tuesday you'll start renovating the house.



HAHAHAHAHAHA.

You know that awful cliche, ' Dance like no one's watching'? Fuck that. I say 'Open every drawer like there's a cockroach in it'.




Be still my trembling, post heart attack, heart.




In other news, Alexis Meghan Fernandez was born two hours ago. My sixth niece. God I feel so old. Can you believe I don't get to see the new baby till Friday? Yet another reason to hate promos. I'm so happy anyway. And you know at the rate all these nice names are being snapped up by my highly reproductive cousins, I'm gonna be stuck naming my kid something like Aileen. Oh such a cheap shot. Hahaha, still funny though.


I think I'm getting a bit too addicted to babies. I want half a million of my own someday.

Adrian pokes his head through my door.

Adrian : My friends are coming over at 11 tmr. Wear something decent and comb your hair a bit can.

Me : Hot or not.

Adrian : All married lah.

Me : RARRRRH. I won't be awake anyway.

Adrian : Just don't be embarrassing.

And then a half hour fight about who's more embarrassing ensues.






I love my brother, a little bit, some of the time.

Poly looks so damn appealing now.








And I thought 30 points were easy to get.










Happy one day late birthday Heidi Mama. Sorry we totally forgot.









We got you a cool present though, ages ago.

They're gonna show Prison Break in an hour. As depressed as I am about it, I've decided that Wentworth Miller is a joy that must be shared. As much as I'd like to think that I'm above all the cheena freaks, I'm quite sadly just a normal person, with even more sadly, absolutely no influence on Mediacorp.

Anyway, to all the cheena freaks out there. Don't worry if you don't understand the show. It probably requires a certain amount of higher level thinking anyway. I know you all think Mr Miller would be hotter only if he had long long yellow/orange hair with way too much wax/gel/hairspray/cow dung or whatever else Singaporean boys put in their hair. Also, please reflect on why you are so cheena in the first place.

I'm so not good at this whole I'm not above cheena freaks thing. I'm trying though.





In an effort to be nice, here's the closest thing Mr Miller had to long hair.

I hate that I'm so weak, especially when it comes to you.

They're starting Prison Break soon on 5. I don't see the point, since they'll censor everything anyway. And I'm really upset that now I'm gonna have to share Mr Miller with all these random cheena freaks who also like random 5566 boys. Gross.

I can just imagine the typical blog entry.

" hAizZzzZ today so sianzz. .so boring lahz.. i got watch some show on tv jz now. i think name is prison something lorh. wAh piang dunch knoe what they got tok about le. but that michael scofield very hot woRhzzz.. cUtE CuTe!"

I'm gonna kill myself soon. Bitch and I are planning to write in to Straits Times and complain about the 'religious and moral implications' we are seemingly condoning and imparting to our youths. Seeing as its a Singapore paper, it of course will never make its way to the Forum page. But just to avoid a catastrophe like the above, we'll spend a lot of time and effort in making it sound as pro as possible anyway.

This made me laugh, especially since I was so worked up over that stupid book Tryn gave me to read. And Shane always cracks me up with his silly dance to this song.





I swear, 'Every move' by Peter McPhee is like the story of my life retold, just with a different ending. Well story of the saga of a while back at least. Tryn is such a freak to lend me a book like this.

Why why why is it that Clarissa always refers to some malicious vindictive bitch in every book I read? She's always the old spinster everyone hates or the evil grandma or whatever. Super super annoying. I hate my name, especially with the prostitute stigma attached so lovingly to it.






I wish my parents had put a bit more thought/research into it and not just named me after Dad's secretary.






Thank God they didn't go with Mum's choice of Heather though. I'd much rather be a prostitute than a feather.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is such a slut. How can she like my Wentworth Miller? I hate hate hate her and hope she gets strangled to death by psycho Haywire who's recently just escaped from jail. Or T-bag could rape and kill her I suppose. No wait. She can't die thinking she's attractive. Stupid anorexic slut.

I've officially been christened 'Satan's child'. I went outside to get some juice, and Nirvana's Rape Me was blasting on the com. Dad got the shock of his life I think. HAHA.

Seems like everyone's born in September. I'm gonna be so broke this month. Saving up for the big splurge is oh so hard when I already splurge everyday. Its about time the parents upped my allowance again. Every six months just about cuts it even right?

I suppose its gonna take a bit more of a convincing argument than that. Off to work I go!

I think its about time I do something drastic. Shake things up a little. Life's getting a bit too mellow already. Imagine this, Clarissa Cross filing up her worksheets. Delly Belly's gonna be so proud.

G,EAHFBCKU.GEMAJWBFA.URGVAKGUK.GUGAURTGFYUGHAVDH
BDSFDSJAGFUR
BM,JGEVSAUFLGUVAJHRGUITG784696429654412
378251OTHGEWJGFUQTER74GHAFAGE7R47TULAFVDRETQWIFAG,GUFTGALUREGFQLA
,AKHREUFAY4EUFHAJBEDFCUSRT8349471QAUIRGFJRE
UGUDXCBVSHVCJHAGYDFTLIAYREGNCA,
EWYFGEW,KATGFU8T78324R784361G,ESBDJCU8OYI8WEH
GUG
QEWI&&%*%(%**)&%^$^&*^))_*
UGJ,GEVUAYGAKR,HVUWYRUVKG,AYVIRAVRLUYVCRVLICTQRGVYWRGV
EGYEFA
AEWYEGWQUTGFGHAGFHAVW
REQKUTGFUREQKGQREUGFUQKREGUGUGKQR33WGF
8847AJHDFDSYHA,GFFDSB


peanuts make me throw up.

Now tell me Baby Nikita isn't the most adorable kid you've seen in a really long time.
That's her having her very first 'swim'.

Who knew I could whack an entire Fillet-O-Fish in 30 seconds flat eh? I had no idea I could chew so fast.

Its hard NOT being in a relationship. I've been wondering why this year has been oh so damn difficult for me, and I've realised I don't really have anyone to lean on anymore. I'm so used to having a shoulder to cry on, and big big hugs from people I manage to convince myself I'm in love with, if only for a month or two. Everytime something's gone wrong I've always had someone around. To distract me I guess. Like keep my mind off all the awfulness. Its just so completely different now, having not only to take care of me, but everyone else as well. Everyone's so lost, and I've to find them while searching for me.

I hate it when I start to get all philosophical/confused.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss you. And before everyone starts yelling at me, no its not him. No way am I putting myself through that again. Its one of the other hims, as Glenn so eloquently puts it. Oh well, its not like he'll ever know. I doubt he reads this anymore.

Oh god, I've become the mascot for desperation.

I guess we just have to thank God she went peacefully right? Its weird, I know I should be mourning and like deep in sorrow, but all I feel is this great sense of calm. Grandma was in so much pain in her last few days, and we were all just pretty much praying that it'd happen this way. I guess I was kinda expecting it, I couldn't sleep the entire night that day.

Anyway, wake's at St. Joseph's Church, I think till Saturday. Obituary's in the papers if anyone needs more details. Come on down if you can make it okay? I'm starting to really, finally appreciate all these moments spent with everyone I love.

I loved all her eccentricity. She was always such a joy to be around, even when she was pulling down all my skanky tops and maluating me in front of countless relatives/priests. I won't be selfish and wish she was still here, she's not in pain anymore, and that's really all anyone can hold on to now.

I was so happy when I found out we could miss an hour of Mr whatever, cause we had to do some Hong Kong thing. The whole time I was under the impression that it was some talk about Hong Kong. Turns out its some fucking PRIMARY SCHOOL TEST. It was some english test, where we had to take data from some big chunk of research on robotics of all things, and turn it into a letter. I haven't done letter writing in a few thousand years also you know. And the english was so utterly terrible in all the data given. Like what kind of english test is this. And it was oh so long too. Bitch cracked me up with the I am Terry Lau thing though. Funny Funny.

Two weeks notice is a dumb show.

I'm getting mentally prepared for backlash from barely doing anything for i learn. Yikes.

Rubbish-ness abound.

Marathon shopping yesterday. With mama and Aunty Daisy. Not as terrible as I imagined. Okay maybe the Mama bit. I didn't meet that many people. A first for a towning experience. We spent way too much. I would do pictures, but blogger seems to hate me and photos.

1. New Levi's.
2. Pink and purple stripey off shoulder top.
3. Pink beach shorts.
4. Brown formals.
5. White chinos.
6. Pink super comfy + super see-through shirt.
7. Green sequin shirt.
8. Massive huge belt.

Rough calculations done by me, who is terribly bad at math brings this up to $482. In one day. Yikes. I absolutely love love love the belt. It cost, $89.90 before discount, $71.20 after. And Aunty Daisy paid for it. AHHH. I am so completely in love with her for it. Even though she already got me this beautiful black formal bag for topping econs, she's pretty much going all out with it. Any excuse to shop is a good one right? And she says since she can't pull off big belts anymore, cause they're all supposed to emphasise skinny waists, she should give me the opportunity. Erm okay. I think its more her not having a daughter. She could totally adopt me. Okay maybe not. So anyway, the gist of it is, I will start going for more family functions, and not sulk when I'm forced to stay on for hours on end.

Among things mum refused to let me buy ,or pay for was this beautiful oversized yellow dress top at Zara. I don't often buy clothes from there, but this was so nice. And quite cheap lah. Like 30 or what. Which mum FORCES you to buy tight tight clothes and then criticises how fat you look in everything when you wear them after? I would have thought in the age of skimp-iness, oversized would be welcomed. Maybe not. Oh and she absolutely refused to fork out cash for the bikini, scolding me for not reminding Dell to return the last one. Sigh. Looks like I'm on my own for that one. Hopefully there aren't any beach outings for a while.

I learn day is, totally not touched. Went online and read the econs announcement and wanted to kill myself. Who's so free to click here click there? Bio gave us like I think 1 term's worth of work to read up on. I'm hoping and praying there's no geog. Anyway half my subjects aren't on Aspire, so can I claim to not be able to access?

I hate SR. I can't wait to marry my rich guy and go shopping everyday. Oh god I'm such a spoilt brat. Kill me now.

I wonder how guys tahan talking to me ALL NIGHT LONG. Especially when I still half sound like a man and launch into big coughing fits ever so often. Though I suppose Shane's always said if I were a guy he'd turn gay for me. Which never made sense because he's already so fucking gay. Maybe I should try the whole boob-binding thing. Not like they're that big to begin with, but its nice to go around saying 'My boobs grow too much wayy too fast so I've to bind them to stop them from taking over the world'. If only they would grow in a proportionate ratio to the hips. SOMEONE TELL ME WHY DOES INDIAN WOMAN SYNDROME ONLY KICK IN FOR THE LOWER HALF OF ME? I'm not demented, I swear. All my jeans are way too fucking tight now. I hate bending down. And Mama absolutely refuses to pay for new Levi's, even though my brother has 7 pairs that fits him perfectly fine and I have 2 that take about an hour for me to struggle into. Oh the tremendous denial I go through to convince myself I'm NOT putting on weight( I still wear IJ primary P.E shorts for P.E every week ).

Oh and I totally wanna kill myself. I forgot all about Roy Dupuis, possibly the only man to beat Wentworth Miller on the sex appeal. I will so totally make a new list and up it to like 50 so everyone stops calling me to ask why ... and ... isn't in it. And then taking forever to believe its me and not Adrian answering the phone. Maybe I should go back on the cough syrup that makes me sleep all day long. Maybe.

I'm gonna go on a Roy Dupuis spree. I'll watch the show all over again, yes all five seasons. Even though Peta Wilson is such a transvestite. Michael just exudes the sex appeal. Yikes. Maybe I should do math homework first. Tuition's only in like an hour. ARGH. I hate being a junior college kid.

Screaming out national day songs is BADDDD for sore throats. I felt so patriotic yesterday I'm disappointed in myself. Oh the horror. Yikes.

Site meter's jumping a bit too much for my liking eh. Makes you wonder who reads this rubbish.

We laboured for almost 2 hours on this list. I'm quite sure I spelt half the names wrong. I'm still really upset that Timothy Dalton didn't make it to the list. And Johnny Bravo. And Joakim. Bitch is upset George Clooney, Mel Gibson and Patrick the starfish didn't make it there. Violent objections from both sides.

The twenty hottest men we can think of.

20.Dave Navarro
19.Entire Spain Team
18.Amaury Nolasco
17.Andrew Firestone
16.Adam Levine
15.Mark Sloan
14.Johnny Depp
13.Jesse Metcalfe
12.Adam Brody
11.Keanu Reeves
10.Paul Walker
9. Chris Evans
8. Ryan Reynolds
7. Jude Law
6. Eric Mabius
5. Hugh Jackman
4. Ryan Phillipe
3. Collin Farrell
2. Josh Holloway












and number 1 is,














1. Wentworth Miller

Don't tell me you didn't expect Mr. Miller to be number 1.

In the spirit of story-telling, I've decided to concoct my own completely original, totally not plaigarised from anyone, little tale. Any resemblance to persons living or dead, or other stories you might find around is purely COINCIDENTAL.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there was this group of female donkeys. This group of female donkeys had just moved to a new co-ed herd, and as they had all previously come from same sex herds, they were not used to this new atmosphere. Anyway, it was quite generally understood in this new herd of theirs, that the boys stuck together, and the girls stuck together.

These five female donkeys were the best of friends, doing everything together. They were completely content on doing everything with each other. However, as all these five donkeys had previously come from Christian herds, they had been instilled with morals and values such as compassion and kindness. So one day when they saw a lone male donkey, they decided to take pity on him and include this poor male donkey in their activities once in a while.

This male donkey seemingly had no other friends. He was very happy when these donkeys included him in their group, and was very nice and humble at first. However, this male donkey decided to take how he was surrounded by females all the time to his advantage, and this really annoyed the five female donkeys to no end. This male donkey started trying to act really cool in front of all the other male donkeys, pretending to be someone his loser self totally wasn't. He of course had no idea that all these other male donkeys were of course laughing at him constantly both behind his back and in front of him. This male donkey hung around the females every minute of everyday, and this annoyed them as they were unable to talk about female donkey things.

One day, these female donkeys really couldn't tahan the male donkey anymore, whose name was POPE by the way. They decided to write him a letter saying that they needed their own time without him. Little did they know that POPE would turn into every typical freaky male Indian donkey out there and turn all stalkerish. POPE also went around acting all pathetic so that all the other donkeys would take pity on him, and just make the five female donkeys feel bad for something that was completely not their fault. Of course it completely didn't work. Just cause they're donkeys doesn't mean they're totally stupid.

I've yet to come up with an ending for this. Part 2 some other time I guess. Anyway, disclaimer's on top. I just hope some people don't decide I've been 'messing around with the wrong people' and come whack me up.

Oh enough with the satire. Night folks.

Oh god. Why can't I ever meet a normal guy? Someone who's not completely fucked up. Argh its just so super annoying. I could do the whole I will swear off men thing again, but we all know those never last. Neither does I'm going for girls from now on. I wish I wasn't so straight. Sigh.

I have a really awful cough/sore throat thing going on and its so terrible. I sound like some transvestite or what. Yikes. Its like my voice is completely fluctuating between really high and freaky low. I suppose everyone's really happy. It hurts so much to talk that I'm finally shutting up for most of the time. Of course this means that I've finally started replying IMs. I have to converse in some form right?

Once again, I've managed to do an entire post about absolutely nothing. This is turning into rubbish post galore. I'm surprised the counter thing shows readers. Amazing really. Cough medicine's made me so ridiculously sleepy, I'm gonna sleep before 12 for the first time in ages. Even though I've already clocked in 16 hours for today. Bye everyone. If I happen to not wake up, I love most of you.

I think I might have to go to the dermatologist AGAIN. Serves me right I guess for letting the allergies get so out of control. I didn't go to Tekong today because I have acute atopic contact dermatitis which flares up around mosquitos and grass. And prawns, but ssshh.

Gimme one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around.

So many things to bitch about, way too little time. I so totally hate project work. Econs tutorial later on. Newspaper article thing due 2 weeks ago - Not done. Essay on elasticity - Not done. Econs file - Non-existant. Test on monopoly - Yikes. Oh and letter for friday. I feel like going late. Its first period anyway. At this rate, I'm gonna fail attendance also. The one thing I usually pass in my report book. Oh god. Kill me when I'm lame. What a rubbish post.




Will you keep loving me if I promise to stop fucking up all the time?

I'm getting really annoyed at some of these poly people. Fucking irritants, almost all of you. Why the hell are you in courses you completely cannot handle? Courses that test YOUR creativity and ingenuity, not MINE. Stop getting me to do all your fucking homework. And not being appreciative after. I'm tired of spending entire nights staying up and doing your work for you, and not getting any credit after. This is all at the expense of my own work and all you know. With all the fucking work I'm doing for yall I might as well enrol in some part-time diploma programme.

I seriously don't mind helping out once in a while. I mean honestly, its nice helping your friends out you know. But you know eventually you're gonna go out someday and do this all by yourself. You can't keep being so reliant on me and a few others to do all your work for you. Its so annoying how when I'm free the whole evening you come to me at 11.30pm crying about how you can't finish your work on time. What the hell. Poly gives decent deadlines okay. Why the hell do you have to leave everything to the last minute. I need some fucking sleep okay. I keep falling asleep in all my damn lectures and its all because of YOU. I get like 3 hours of sleep a night or what and its really annoying. I mean hello, I already have years' worth of eyebags, you reeeeally don't have to add on.

Its really not fair to make me do all your work. I mean really, its YOU who attend all the lectures and whatnot, you know what your teachers want. Not me. Just because you don't want your classmates to think you need help with anything. Arghh. I have no idea what kind of format or context everything's wanted. I'm tired of being forced to take on all this work and then getting SHOUTED AT BY YOU for doing everything wrongly. Use your own god dammed innovation will you.

Laugh at me all you want for succumbing to all the pressure and taking the JC route. At least I can fucking handle what I got myself into right. I mean you don't see me asking random poly people for help with Bio right? I have problems with stuff I ask my own JC friends or teachers or what. Okay more like ignore the problem most of the time, but so not the point.

So anyway, I'm not doing anyone's homework for at least a month. Promos are coming and I totally need to start listening in lectures once in a while. So fuck off all of you. I mean it ah.

Shane and Tryn have combined forces, together with a few extras, to film a re-enactment of the drama in the bus the other day. Which NONE OF YOU WILL EVER SEE. As maluating as maluating can get. Yikes.

Anyway, we had some parent teacher meeting the other day. Dad came so I made sure he skipped the principal talk cause he'll start snoring super loudly and embarrass me only. Anyway, it was nice to see 100 percentile for econs and Dad was all proud of me while waiting to see Mdm Yeoh. And then when we did she completely ruined everything. She was going on and on about how I completely don't understand the concepts but I can write a lot and that's the only reason I got my A. Doesn't she realise I never ever give my Dad anything to be proud of? Like let him have his I'm super proud of my daughter moment. Sigh. Good news is, for the first time I'm not the most problematic kid in class so the meeting was pretty short.

I've come up with a whole new theory for Econs. I think the less you study the better you do. The notes just really confuse you with the ambiguity. I mean differences in definitions are so vague that you really have absolutely no clue what's going on. Everyone's been calling me closet mugger or what and its so annoying. I mean I really completely didn't study at all. I only looked at economies of scale the night before for like 10 mins, gave up and went back to watching prison break. I answered the whole damn thing like a geog paper and everyone thinks I'm some nerd.
Oh well. New school new image I guess.

Not to sound horribly bitter or what, but I think birthdays just get more and more depressing as the years go by. Its not so much the getting older bit, I'm not that upset over not being able to sing "I am 16 going on 17" anymore, but more like you remember how good it all used to be and compare it to how fucked up it is now.

I think all the relationships that really really meant a fuck lot to me kinda died. There's Dell who's moved away and hardly ever calls anymore, Shane, Glenn and Tryna who just don't come around like they used to, and then there's the family. Its awful imagining myself as one of those screwed up kids who hate their parents or what. Mum threw some dumb party tonight just so that for once in the whole year she can put on a big show about how much she loves her daughter. Right. She didn't even wish me this morning. It was like bang bang bang on the door at 530. I got damn excited and ran to open thinking wow someone woke up early to wish me all and turns out she just yelled at me to go to school myself. I'm still waiting for the damn happy birthday.

Dad didn't even make it back for the 'party'. I have a feeling he's gone out somewhere to buy a present. I don't want anything from them. Not at all. Keep your fucking presents. As testament to how fucked up everything is, instead of my haagen dazs cake, I got bloody pandan kaya from bengawan solo. That's the cheapo cake we buy for class birthdays lah.

But I guess its like toughening up you know. Like instead of relying on your parents so much, you start leaning on your friends. And the friends have been absolutely fantastic. I love you all. I cleared my inbox at 11.30 last night and I've got 78 messages now. Of course there's Shane who sent me 17 happy birthday msgs but I feel really loved. I think the most touching one was from Punitha, my best IJ babe. I haven't spoken to her in months and she still remembered. I totally felt like crying reading her msg. Oh god I've just burst into tears now. Its so sweet. You're all so sweet.

Fuck there's some big drama going on outside. Gotta go.

A says:
i know how to spell alreadyyy!
A says:
went to wikipedia that
A says:
its HIPPOTAMUS!
A says:
yay!

Search also can still spell wrong. Must be my Bitch only lah.

I suppose in the spirit of turning 17, I should probably do the oh so clichéd post. So here goes.




17 things you probably didn't know about the bitch that is Clarissa Cross.





1. Altogther I've had 57 stitches due to various falls everywhere. Clumsy I am.

2. My first ever crush was on the Tropical Heat man, the one with the ponytail. I think I was 4.

3. I would press my knuckles into my cheeks for hours on end, hoping in vain to get dimples.

4. I stabbed my ears with safety pins as a kid, thinking that was how you got earholes.

5. I used to think sperm would float from daddy to mummy in the middle of the night, and that was how babies got made.

6. I was called for the longest time Oscar the Grouch, Juicy ( Don't be perverted now, I was just a ridiculously fat baby), and the boy that never was.

7. I actually believed Adrian when he told me Mum and Dad picked me up from the bin outside KKH. And that he was a fighter plane pilot who'd land his plane on the roof every night before coming in for dinner.

8. I got kicked by a cow once, while trying to milk it.

9. Despite what I tell you, our dogs Benjie and Sissy commited suicide shortly after I was born.

10. When I was five, some MP lady shook my hand at a meet and greet session. I thanked her by throwing up all over it.

11. I frenched my best girlfriend for 5 minutes straight for 10 bucks. It was hot.

12. I've woken up in the morning not remembering whether I had sex the night before. Seeing half naked men lying next to you is fucking scary. At 15 anyway.

13. I convinced my Primary 3 teacher I was brain damaged and couldn't smell paint cause the doctor gave me the wrong medicine, just to get out of Art that day.

14. I did a striptease/ pole dance thing once at some random chalet when I was very very drunk in front of a hell of a lot of people I didn't know.

15. I have this compulsive need to count everything. In case you were wondering, M&M's packets have about 56-58 M&M's per pack.

16. The longest I've gone without food, not including hospitalisation and all was 52 hours. I kinda forgot to eat.

17. I went four months not speaking a word of English, pretending I could speak Spanish instead. Dad got me to stop by inviting a client from Spain over for dinner and asking me to converse with him.


Quite fun doing this nonsense lah.

As usual, in quite desperate search of something to eat in the house that never has food, I opened the fridge with such high anticipation, only to get my hopes completely dashed. ( I have such a talent for coming up with long long sentences) Anyway, all that's in my fridge now, as sad as it seems, are two huge huge huge papayas. Like what the hell. Each takes up like one shelf of my not that small but ridiculously empty fridge. Adrian's suffering from major constipation or what, and trust me I know. Having the bathroom connected to my room means I get to hear all sorts of noises in the middle of the night.

So anyway, the whole family's being forced to eat various motion-inducing foods along with him as a relatively mediocre form of consolation. Yah right. I suppose all this fibre is good anyway, I'm currently the heaviest I've been in my whole life, including the time when I was on growth steroids. Yikes. Its about time I started a diet anyway. Like seriously 3 kilos in a month? I can totally feel the cellulite. Oh the sorrow. I blame emicakes and they're unreasonably yummy choc fudge cakes. Plus, if the current trend of exceptionally yummy birthday cakes continues as it has for the past five years or what, I'll stop being horizontally challenged. Which means all I'm left with is the vertically challenged. Depression.

God, re-reading this I figure I'm the most random no-life person in the world.

The birthday boy.

Mr Photogenic. He only ever smiles when he sees the tiny orange dot on the camera.

I thought I was the retro one in the family.

Teamwork will get us oh so far.

Why didn't I get cakes with smokin' hot Elmo on them?

The PRETEND angels.

Obviously some weren't as into the proceedings as the rest of us were.

I think my finger was covering half the flash but it looks cool.

Don't let the photo deceive you, they're both monkeys.

Luke's first birthday party. Had such a blast.

I was reading the twins some kid book called Bubbles the Careless Monkey. Its about this monkey named Bubbles who leaves his toys all over the floor and doesn't listen to his mum tell him to pick them up. Then Bubbles's grandfather comes to visit and he slips on one of the toys. The twins got so sad cause they thought their grandfather slipped and fell. They were totally on the verge of bursting into tears.

Oh I'm also in their prayers every night. Aunty Esa's right up there along with Bobo and Dadi, the decapitated dolls. I'm so proud of myself.

I was in such a good mood coming home, having bought my fourth fat hairband, two new pairs of earrings and re-piercing my third ear hole. I positively skipped into the house, only to find my mum ransacking my room. What the hell, I never knew I could change moods so damn quickly. In about three seconds flat I started screaming and my face turned damn red. Like what the hell. Can't I get any damn privacy. And she wonders why my room is locked all the time. Fucking annoying. I'm so annoyed right now.

She says she feels out of touch with me. Uh what the hell. Great way to get to know your daughter, going through her stuff when she's not looking. She's the one pushing me away, not the other way around. Its like whenever I'm nice to her she reciprocates by insulting me. Wonder-fucking-ful.

I'm swearing a hell of a lot more. I think its Shane's doing. You horrible horrible boy.

The smart hot man.

I found this ridiculously funny, like his reaction to the iguana thing. What an idiot. Like seriously.. iguana and chameleon? Even I knew the difference. Sigh.

I forgot to celebrate my 50th post the other day, so instead we shall celebrate the 52nd post. Yay go me for finally sticking to something for so long. Doesn't matter that half of those fifty posts were like the once a month kind. Go me anyway.

I went for novena today. And it was super crowded, because as usual the Cross family arrived late. So I had to stand like with 50 million people outside and it was so stuffy. I almost fainted again, Adrian caught me. Anyway, not the point since I've already done the fainting post. The point is, I had to watch some tv with the priest on it. And of all people to be serving next to the priest, it had to be the EX. Or at least I thought it was him. The tv was like so dark, except for this white circle around the priest. And I don't mean the white halo kind of thing above him, but the something strangling him kinda around him. I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I must be the worst Catholic ever, strangling priests all.

I ran away after mass so I wouldn't meet him. Yay. Success. And I came home, and got inspired to make a Wentworth Miller screensaver. Super fun searching for hot hot pics. Ahhhh. I spent like a whole half hour searching and making my screensaver. And then another hour on top of that figuring out how to send it to people. I'm really excited though, cause he looks so hot and all in every pic. Ahhh. Come ask me online if you want it okay. I know how to send already! God I've become so loser suddenly. Yikes.

Oh no Daddy's bugging me to go for mass now. I thought novena counted. So unfair. I begged and pleaded to go tomorrow. Success once more.

My newest wallpaper. The undone belt just kills me. Oh god why must you be so damn hot?!?!

clarissa. says:
i tell you 8474682734 times to download already lah

clarissa. says:
only click click and you damn lazy

my best side was your worst invention says:
ok lah

clarissa. says:
as if you damn busy mugging for bio only

my best side was your worst invention says:
i tell u 8474682735 that i damn lazy lah

clarissa. says:
i tell you 92884355 times that i hate you right

my best side was your worst invention says:
i tell u 92884356 times that i loveeeee you righttt

clarissa. says:
i tell you 94847358734875 that you're some psycho bitch from hell right

my best side was your worst invention says:
i told u 94847358734876 times that i dont care right

clarissa. says:
i tell you 7465857658654 times mr ow damn hot right

my best side was your worst invention says:
i also tell u 7465857658655 times that mark is wayyy hotter right

my best side was your worst invention says:
and i also tell u 5676666662495495646569859869478 times that this is getting dumb

clarissa. says:
i tell you 847947537594 times i love heidi much much more than you right

clarissa. says:
hahahahahaahhaha

my best side was your worst invention says:
i tell u 847947537595 times that i loveeeee you

clarissa. says:
i eating cookies and cream muesli bar

clarissa. says:
yummy yummy

clarissa. says:
yummy yummy yummy i've got love in my tummy

clarissa. says:
and i feel like loving youuuu

my best side was your worst invention says:
yayyyyyyyyy

my best side was your worst invention says:
dummy dummy dummy i told u you bloody dummmmyyyy

clarissa. says:
hahahaha

clarissa. says:
wth


I dunnoe why I'm suddenly posting so much about her. Maybe I'm finally embracing the relationship. Yeah totally.

Bio results today were oh so depressing. We had a 33.7% PASS rate for the whole cohort. And as usual, 1S26 made everyone else feel better, as all five of us managed to get a U grade. Like wth right. Not like we weren't expecting it though.

So Bitch and I were sitting around in the canteen, wondering how we were gonna break the news to our parents. I've never gotten a U before, so its like I've reached a new level of bad. Not feeling exceptionally creative, we decided U will no longer stand for Ungraded, but University. I know it doesn't make sense, but the logic behind it is, getting a U means immediate admission into uni. Hahahaha. The lame-ness that is us.

Daddy stole the Singapore Idol magazine from work for me to read. I know. THERE'S A SINGAPORE IDOL MAGAZINE??? How loser can this country get right? But oh well. I think the last batch was so much more talented then this one, which is so dismally average. Gayle's been such a disappointment really. I doubt I'm gonna keep watching very much longer, so fucking boring lah, although the maid won't let me watch anything else on tv or she'll burst into tears. Argh.

Today all three of us didn't take P.E. Heidi, Bitch and I. Its amazing how I'm the one who fainted during assembly ytd, and P.E man doesn't believe my letter, but believes Bitch's. Like seriously.

Then Bitch started singing in the canteen after that. She was singing Milo's theme song to the Mentos tune with M&M's as the brand name. So it sounded like this.

"M&M's the milk chocolate, its good for you!'

Like wth. Seriously.

Then I went threading with them, definitely a strange experience. Its funny going with chinese people, first of all there isn't very much to pluck, and don't even get me started on their pain thresholds ah. Bitch was of course bitching about how pain it was, you should have seen her with this totally constipated look the whole time the lady was threading her eyebrows lah. But the lady did a good job and we all look pretty pretty now, of course with me being prettier than both of them, :) We started both a three week threading schedule and a study once a week schedule. Go us.

Oh my god Magnolia Oats Milk damn nice. Tastes like ovaltine biscuits mama used to buy for me. And low fat too.


Oh wow. I really have no life blogging about dumb things like this.

clarissa - thanks for all the concern babes. says:
bitch

my best side was your worst invention says:
what bitchhh

my best side was your worst invention says:
we didt eat mango today ok

clarissa - thanks for all the concern babes. says:
told you to sleep early right

clarissa - thanks for all the concern babes. says:
really ah

my best side was your worst invention says:
yah becos u not there

my best side was your worst invention says:
hahahahah

my best side was your worst invention says:
mango wont be mango without youuuuu


God I love my friends. Today tmr and forever and ever. And if I must I WILL marry you okay.

As if today isn't bad enough, scrubs made me sink further into my pool of depression. There's this character called Clarissa, and she's this short balding woman. She's about to get married so it makes all the single women in the hospital depressed.

Quote, "When Clarissa makes it to the altar you know its time for you to hang up the ovaries.."

Just so fucking great.

Today was so maluating its amazing. Just the way to start off the new schooling term. God I want to kill myself. I should have just listened to my mum and stayed at home. Fuck lah.

I was dying of cramps this morning in school but I took a couple of painkillers on the bus so I figured they'd go away soon enough right? Wrong. Morning announcements at assembly took so fucking long. And it hurt so bad I just wanted to crawl up and die. And then I started feeling really dizzy. Can you believe it, I FAINTED in front of the whole damn school. Waking up from it was kinda like a dream. I'm still wondering how high my skirt flew, which also brings back terrible memories from my one day in drama club. It was like, I opened my eyes and there were so many people around me. There was that nice indian teacher asking me if I was okay, and totally reassuring me that I fell in a completely graceful way. I'm gonna nominate her for teacher of the year or something. And like a million people were staring at me lying there on the floor. Fuck I was so damn embarrased. I mean honestly. The last time I fainted I was in a bathroom at KKH dying from dengue. And that was like the only time ever.

Dad rushed to school to pick me up after a few panicked phone calls with a mixture of hysterical sobbing and screaming at him to hurry the hell up. Cramps were so fucking bad. Aileen was with me, honestly thank god for her. I'm so not gonna insult her the rest of the week just for being there for me. She bought milo and soyabean for me, but I didn't drink any. Smell was too gross. Mum injected me in the stomach with some nonsense to numb the pain. Feels weird. And the maid made me throw up all over the place when she showed me her lunch. Chicken leg soup. EWW.

I wanna go see Adrian. I wanna go see grandmama. I wanna go back to school. I wanna do anything except stay at home. Makes me feel sicker only. Maybe I'll sneak past the maid and go for a walk outside.

Adrian's in SGH now, having just completed some ridiculously unnecessary surgery. Ever since the army promoted him, which resulted in his NS being extended another 2 months, he's been determined to make them pay. So he's been taking mc like nobody's business, and sending himself for dumb operations. Today's some nose one I think. He doesn't seem to realise the risks surgery has. Its like he doesn't care what happens to him, as long as the army pays. Wth right?

Anyway I'm going to go sit with him in the hospital. He's got a room to himself so yeah.

This abyss of serenity laced delicately with desolation; my PCP.










Whatever gets you through today.

I am so going on a major shopping spree the next chance I get. Soccer today was just amazing. I bet all the money I had in my wallet with Mach on who'd win the Portugal England match. Being the oh so typical Singaporean, he decided so very confidently England would win. So I bet the $74.79 in total I had in my wallet that Portugal would win.

When they did I felt kinda bad. So then I went double or nothing with him that Brazil would lose. I knew I was never gonna see that cash anyway, so what the hell right. And oh my god they did lose. So I won $149.58 thank you very much. When I'll see the cash is a different matter entirely. Nevermind, I still wanna go shopping. I so rock. Should have bet with Singapore Pools ah. I'm sure I'd have gotten fantastic odds. I mean Brazil losing? Honestly..

Common test was, for lack of better phrasing, a full-blown catastrophe. I have no idea why, but people in this school think I'm damn smart or what and expect me to do well. Of course doing well in SR is like passing one of your H2s. I went into econs not knowing anything. I attempted studying the night before that, but kinda gave up after reading about economies of scale. Adrian asked me what it was the other day and I realised I didn't know so I panicked. Its funny being able to help him with his work despite the age gap. And by helping I mean throwing a random guide book at him of course. Anyway with econs, you can write hell of a lot, but its one of those subjects where there isn't much of an in between; its either right or completely wrong. So I have no way of knowing how I did.

I skipped about 28 marks worth of questions for math I think. Bloody hell damn little on logs okay. After painstakingly practicing damn a lot on it. Argh. GP I missed out a whole 6 mark question. Bio didn't even understand the damn questions. Geog was the only one that was quite okay I guess, though I'll end up flunking terribly anyway.

Ahhh enough of the damn pessimism. Oh wait there's more. Grandmama's been hospitalized again. For the 4th time this year. I try not to think about how awful a sign that is. I feel horribly guilty, cause everytime I tell someone about her its about how eccentric she is, and not about how sweet or loving she is to everyone.

Gonna go pack some things to bring to the hospital now. Ciao.

You make me so happy, I know I'd die without you.

Ever feel like someone's stealing you from you? Its weird you know, like knowing someone looks up to you that much, when you know you're no different from anyone else.

I've known this girl for like the past 6 years or so. I remember the first time I met her, she was really insecure. About the way she looked, her weight, and anything academically related. I really did feel sorry for her, cause she didn't have very many friends. So I talked to her a whole lot, and we got really close. Well kinda I guess.

Anyway, I never saw it coming. I remember seeing her school bag one day and it was mine. Well the same one. And she would curl her hair so that it'd look like mine. I guess you don't realise it when you're that close to someone how they imitate you. I'd go on shopping trips with her, buy a couple of things, and a few days later I'd see a picture of her wearing the same thing. Like she'd go back the next day and buy it too. And you know seeing as we weren't exactly the same size or what, nothing really suited her. It wasn't so much the same clothes. Hell go buy my entire wardrobe if it suits you. But everyone suits a different style and she didn't quite get that.

The worst part is this girl has this really nice personality. As in if you really got to know her you'd realise what a great person she really was. And no one got to find that out. Because we talked so much, she knew virtually everything about me, right down from the way I say certain words, to my favourite phrases, and even to the gestures I use when I talk. And I still didn't notice it. It was only when my other friends started talking about it that I realised.

Even though flattered that someone would look up to me to that extent, its kinda freaky really. I mean you never really see yourself, until you see you through someone else's eyes. And you know seeing her act like me really made me feel guilty. About the person I was, and the things I did. And the fact that the things I did didn't just affect me, they affected everyone around me as well. I'm not proud of the person I am, but I try and change a little bit of me for the better everyday.

Anyway the reason I'm so longwinded is that I talked to the girl yesterday, for the first time in what must be ages by now. And I'm glad to see she's doing well. I've tried to keep my distance from her, and she's so much the better for it. She has confidence now. And I'm so proud of her for it. She's finally her own person.

Prison Break

I absolutely love this song. Put together with my favourite show. Ahhh. Now everyone gets to experience the hotness that is Michael Scofield. What I would give to be the doctor.

Doesn't really contain spoilers to much of the actual escape plot, just their relationship.

So the band concert was just as, if not more boring then expected. I confirmed what I had suspected all along, band concerts were strategically designed to make sure everyone there got a good night's sleep that night. Emcees were awful. And I know its only a secondary school concert, but seriously. Is enunciation that difficult a concept to grasp?

I guess it was kinda fun, watching my cousin play. He looked so nervous and stiff. And after intermission, Uncle Justin and I had a long debate over the rest of the course of the concert as to what instrument Kenny G played. I kept insisting it was a saxophone while he kept saying it was a clarinet ( which by the way is a blow blow thing and not a whack whack thing as I originally thought )

I'm off to make sandcastles now. Bye darlings.